Keeping Liberty's Extended Epilogue

“You should say hi.” Ella told me, probably for the hundredth time this month. 

“I’ve tried. Ella bear.” I sighed. She didn’t understand, and at five, I didn’t truly expect her to. 

“But I can see you.” 

“Well, that’s because you’re special.” I reached forward, trying to push her hair behind her head, only succeeding in ruffling it like it was hit by a light breeze. It was an improvement. 

“My dads say my mommy is special, so that should mean she could see you too.” She crossed her arms, giving me a look that is all too familiar, a look Liberty had given me on many occasions. 

“She is special.” So fucking special that each time I see her, I feel a physical pain I didn’t know was possible in the afterlife. A yearning. A craving to feel touch one more time. “Your mommy is the most special thing that’s walked this earth, next to you of course.” 

I couldn’t explain to her that the reason she saw me wasn’t luck. It was because my soul hadn’t fully dissipated from the earth when her soul entered it. What pieces of me were left fused with her fragile new life. We were linked, Ella and I, and it made me both so fucking happy and so damn sad. 

Ella’s little hands sat on her hip, her nightgown cinched with the position. Ella sighed, “Fine. Let’s do this.”  

She was definitely her mother’s child, and the thought made my lips tilt up. “Okay, it’s behind the shelf in the closet.” 

She looked toward the dark closet, unlit in the night. “Do have to?” 

I wish she didn’t, and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important, but Rolland needed to know. “Uncle Rolland only has a birthday once a year, Ella.” 

“Fine. He’s going to owe my five dollars than.” She rolled her eyes.

“You can’t charge someone for giving them a birthday present, Ella. That’s not how the world works.”

“Well, my dad says I could do whatever I want. And my other dad says I need to invest young.” 

For someone who felt nothing, I felt a headache coming. I knew she was talking about Lenin and Sterling. “Please, Ella. It’s important.” 

Her little steps hardly made a sound as she headed for the closet. Five years. How had five years gone by already? Five years seemed longer than an eternity when you were stuck on the outside watching. Five years without Liberty’s touch. Five years without her body. Five years without hearing her whisper in my ear. 

Ella stood on her toes, flipping the light switch before stepping inside the closet. “If you pull the shelf, it’s on wheels, it should move easy enough.” She looked at me skeptically, but still went to the shelf I once had shoes on, that now stored organized boxes of child toys. She pulled, the shelf moved effortlessly, exposing the bare floorboard. “Okay, Ellabear, if you press the board by the corner, the opposite end will pop up, okay?”

“Will it hurt?” She whispered. 

“What? No.” I paused, “Just make sure you keep your face away.” 

She nodded like she understood, before pushing her full body weight on the corner board. The board popped out of place, nearly missing her face as it flew upward. “Now what?” 

“Reach down, there should be a cloth bag inside.” 

“Okay.” She fearlessly reached in, not questioning a thing. 

“You should be in bed.” Oak’s voice boomed, though I knew he wasn’t mad. He never was angry at her. 

Still, she jumped, not expecting him to show up. “I need to get this.” 

“Get what?” 

He seemed genuinely interested. “My dad told me to get it. It’s Rollo’s birthday.”

He blinked a few times, “I don’t think it’s Rollo’s birthday.” He paused, “Though I don’t think I know when his birthday is.” 

“Today.” She answered without missing a beat. 

Oak bent down, “I don’t think you’re going to find anything there, lovebug. Who told you do to this again?” 

“My dad.”

He sighed, “You have a few of them, you’re going to have to be more specific.” 

Her little tongue darted out as she reached as far as she could into the hole, “Ellis.” 

Oak’s face went sheet white and if I hadn’t missed him so fucking much and it hadn’t seemed like a lifetime since he was willing to utter my name, I would have thought it hilarious. “Ellis.” 

“Yes.”

“Ella. Ellis is dead. Who really told you to break the board of the closet?” His voice was stern, and I knew it was because he feared the answer. 

“Ellis.” Her little face lit up as she found what she was looking for and she pulled it out, holding it in the air triumphantly. “It’s just like you said.” 

“What?” 

Oak was confused, but I knew she was talking to me, “You did good, kid.” 

She held the bundle to her chest proud, “He will be surprised.”

Oak turned, his eyes searching around frantically before stopping on me and for a moment, I thought, I hoped, that he saw me. But then his eyes glazed a bit before turning back toward her, “Ella, you can’t play like this. I know you don’t understand but a joke like this it– “ He paused, his voice losing steam, “It will crush us all.” 

“But he’s there.” 

I knew it was impossible, but despite the impossibility, I was thankful for this moment. “Tell him. . .” I thought about what to say that he knows. But fuck, being put on the spot like this, I couldn’t. I couldn’t think of a damn thing, except, “The secrets in the vanilla.” 

When I uttered the words, her entire face glowed. “The secrets in the vanilla, that’s what my mom always says too!” 

Oak turned around, trying to spot me and failing because he didn’t know I was right next to him the whole time. His voice was faint when he muttered, “It was always the vanilla.”

“It’s imported.” I smirked. 

“What’s imported mean?” Her little head tilted inquisitively and damn, but when she did it, she reminded me of the ogre. 

“It’s flown from a different country.” Oak muttered absentmindedly, before shaking his head to clear it. “What’s in the bag.” 

“I can’t show you, its Rollo’s.”

Oak didn’t argue with the kid, and even if he did, I doubt he would win. “Then you better go give it to him.” 

Ella skipped out the door, and Oak followed, stopping right by the door frame. His hand tight as he held onto the frame like that alone was his lifeline. He never looked back as he spoke, “I thought I hated you for leaving us for the longest time. A thousand ways that I could have done something differently, that could have prevented it, filtered through my head almost daily. It still does. The truth is, I never hated you, Ellis. I hated acknowledging that without you here, none of us are fully whole. You are and will forever be, an extension of us all. And even if you aren’t here, or we can’t physically see you, we’ll never stop loving you.”

He walked away without a single glance, and I was frozen in place for a moment too long. Word like that from Oak of all people, was like holding the holy grail in my hand. I wished he could hear me, see me, know that I was here. But I had nothing to offer him. 

We both stepped into the room right as Ella threw herself into Rolland’s lap. His arms went around her automatically, a smile curling his lips. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?” 

She nodded. “But my dad said I could stay up.” 

“Oak.” 

Liberty sighed and Oak held up his hand defensively, “It wasn’t me.”

Liberty gave him a stern look, clearing stating she didn’t believe him, before turning her attention to the child, “Ella, it’s time for bed.” 

“But,” Her little lip quivered and hell, I hadn’t been the one parenting, but I was positive if I was, I would have given in. “It’s Rollo’s birthday.” 

Rolland looked confused, “No, it’s not.” 

“My dad said it was, and he has never lied.” She stated, and I felt a little remorse because on this, I had lied. I lied, but I knew it was for the greater good. He needed to know. It was imperative that he knew. 

“It’s not my Birthday, Ella.” Rolland said again. 

Ella looked directly at me and all eyes in the room followed, even though they didn’t know what she was looking at. Well, besides Oak. “He doesn’t want his present.” 

“Yes, he does.” I insisted and as if Rolland could hear me, he muttered at the same time, “Well, no one mentioned anything about presents. I love presents.” 

Ella turned back to Rolland, her smile so big I couldn’t help but watch her. Her little hand opened as she held out the purple velvet pouch. Rolland starred at the pouch for a moment, before taking it from her hand. “What is it?”

“Open it.” She prompted. 

The tension in the room was high, the mood uncertain as Rolland untied the pouch and dumped a gold watch in his hand. Without thinking, he stood, nearly dumping Ella on the ground as he spun around, searching for something he would never fully see. 

“Where did you get this, Ella?” He was nearly breathless with panic. 

“I-I” Her eyes watered, “am I in trouble?” 

“No.” Everyone answered at once and Rolland knelt down in front of her, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you; I just need to know.” 

Ella bit her lip for a moment, “My daddy told me to give it to you because it was your birthday.” 

He swallowed hard, his eyes frantically looking around. Liberty bent down, “Ella, when did you talk to your daddy?” 

“Every day.” She said it so proudly that my heart nearly melted. 

“Okay.” Liberty nodded, and I knew she wanted to believe her but she still…

“He said the secret is in the vanilla.” She nodded, “It’s imported.” 

A single tear fell from Liberty’s eyes and tracked down her cheek before she could stop it, “The secret was never the vanilla, it was the love.” 

“I don’t know what you mean.” The little girl said, but I could only pray that one day she would know. One day she would have what I had for only a tiny fraction of my life and that she hung on to it for as long as she possibly could.

I felt the energy inside of my waning and I knew I couldn’t stay on this plane much longer. “Ella, tell Rolland his birthday message, do you remember it?” 

“I remember.” She confirmed. 

“Remember what?” Liberty asked, but Ella ignored her, opting instead to turn to the Rolland. 

Ella grabbed Rolland’s hand as he stood there, visibly shaken as he held the gold watch he once gave me so many years ago I could hardly count. “Don’t let the time stop, Uncle Rollo.” 

His fingers brushed over smooth metal, “It’s an old piece, Ella. It never worked.” 

He popped open the watch and his breath hitched as he watched the seconds tick by. Ella peered at the pocket watch, her fingers running over the chain, “My dad said, ‘Don’t let the time stop or they will come.” 

“Who will come, Ella?” Oak stepped forward. 

“They will.” 

I heard Justice growl, “Who?”

I didn’t have to speak the words or issue the warning I dreaded. I didn’t get a chance, because damn if she wasn’t a child of us all. Her little eyes turned white for a quick moment before she blurted, “Danger will come, when the watch stops.”